Commonly Spelled Words

Free Lunch

“What’s this bowl full of business cards for?”
“That’s for a raffle. If we pull out your business card, you get a free lunch!”
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”
“If we pull out your card there is!”
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”
“With this raffle there is!”
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”
“Maybe not normally, but with this raffle there is!”
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”
“Okay, you got us. The raffle is fake. We don’t actually pick anyone. Every week we just take out all of the business cards, make fun of the people’s names, and throw them all in the trash.”
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”
“Okay, you’re right. It goes further than that. We don’t throw all of the cards away. We keep one and murder that person in cold blood. Right before we do it, we show them their business card and there’s a flash of recognition. Something like ‘Oh my god! I caused this! By putting that card in the bowl, I brought about my own death!’ It’s chilling to see.”
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”
“Okay, sir. I can see there’s no getting anything past you. The truth is, we take all of those people we kill and grind up their bodies and clothes and turn it into a rudimentary form of paper. We then sell this paper to a company called Vistaprint, the world’s biggest producer of, you guessed it, business cards. If we pull your business card out of the bowl, we find you, kill you, and turn you into a business card which someone else will put into this bowl only to continue the vicious cycle.”
“That’s what I figured.”
The man placed his business card in the bowl. He was a sucker for raffles